6. Wearing a sponsor-festooned jersey while riding your bike
Dubious behavior: Pedaling around town in a skintight, pro-style bicycle jersey plastered with the names of major European corporations.
Doofus factor: Very high. That steep hill by your house isn't the Pyrenees; the guy in the nearby car doesn't want to hand you a water bottle; riding an extra mile won't strike a decisive blow against cancer; no one is paying you a dime to be out here; no one is about to knock on your door and request a urine sample. Why? Because you are not Lance. Know those silly-looking flame-retardant jackets worn by NASCAR drivers? Imagine wearing the same thing to the grocery store.
Suggested solution: Wear a T-shirt or a plain-colored jersey. You even can wear yellow.
Mitigating circumstances: You are actually the Lance.
Related behaviors: Wearing NBA jerseys to play pickup basketball.
10. Wearing baseball pants to play slo-pitch softball
Dubious behavior: Self-explanatory. Often comes accessorized with the sort of wraparound sunglasses typically seen on American troops in Iraq.
Doofus factor: A mind-erasing supernova of doofusdom. Just as a shaved head and orange robes are the signs of a Shaolin monk, baseball pants in slo-pitch mark someone who takes softball waaaaay too seriously. Think someone who knows his on-base percentage. Someone who swings a bat that costs more than his couch. Someone whose uncontrollable, indiscriminate competitive fire would be better suited on a driving and/or firing range. Someone sports radio host Jim Rome has immortalized with a deceivingly innocuous nickname -- "Softball Guy" -- and someone you don't want to be.
Suggested solution: Wear shorts, drink a few beers, play co-ed.
Mitigating circumstances: You're a member of the U.S. national slo-pitch softball team. Which is, in fact, real.
Related behaviors: Showing up to a softball game with a dozen bats of varying weights. Again: Just play golf, already.
15. Leaving stickers and tags on your caps
Dubious behavior: Self-evident. Really self-evident. Like, you can't miss it.
Doofus factor: Moderate. Hey, sharing your head size with the world isn't the same as sharing your Social Security number or anything. It's more like wearing an underwear tag on your forehead. In addition, a San Francisco Chronicle article speculates that former "Hee Haw" star Minnie Pearl was the first person to wear a price tag dangling from her hat. And if anyone embodies urban cool, it's former "Hee Haw" star Minnie Pearl.
Suggested solution: Peel. Clean. Repeat.
Mitigating circumstances: You compose and perform intricate rhymes to musical beats for a living; you've just won a championship and have been handed a brand-new commemorative hat to wear during the trophy presentation; the hologram on your cap is actually Princess Leia, and you're the rebellion's only hope.
Related behaviors: Naming your fantasy team after gangsta rap lyrics or quotes from "Borat."
For Full Article: 20 Things That Make You Look Like a Doofus
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