Things That Make You Look Like a Doofus

Below are a couple excerpts from an ESPN Page 2 article... hilarious, link to the full top 20 is below. If you've ever heard me rant about the run/bike path on Lake Shore Drive you know why #6 made me nearly spill Gatorade out my nose.

6. Wearing a sponsor-festooned jersey while riding your bike

Dubious behavior: Pedaling around town in a skintight, pro-style bicycle jersey plastered with the names of major European corporations.

Doofus factor: Very high. That steep hill by your house isn't the Pyrenees; the guy in the nearby car doesn't want to hand you a water bottle; riding an extra mile won't strike a decisive blow against cancer; no one is paying you a dime to be out here; no one is about to knock on your door and request a urine sample. Why? Because you are not Lance. Know those silly-looking flame-retardant jackets worn by NASCAR drivers? Imagine wearing the same thing to the grocery store.

Suggested solution: Wear a T-shirt or a plain-colored jersey. You even can wear yellow.

Mitigating circumstances: You are actually the Lance.

Related behaviors: Wearing NBA jerseys to play pickup basketball.

10. Wearing baseball pants to play slo-pitch softball

Dubious behavior: Self-explanatory. Often comes accessorized with the sort of wraparound sunglasses typically seen on American troops in Iraq.

Doofus factor: A mind-erasing supernova of doofusdom. Just as a shaved head and orange robes are the signs of a Shaolin monk, baseball pants in slo-pitch mark someone who takes softball waaaaay too seriously. Think someone who knows his on-base percentage. Someone who swings a bat that costs more than his couch. Someone whose uncontrollable, indiscriminate competitive fire would be better suited on a driving and/or firing range. Someone sports radio host Jim Rome has immortalized with a deceivingly innocuous nickname -- "Softball Guy" -- and someone you don't want to be.

Suggested solution: Wear shorts, drink a few beers, play co-ed.

Mitigating circumstances: You're a member of the U.S. national slo-pitch softball team. Which is, in fact, real.

Related behaviors: Showing up to a softball game with a dozen bats of varying weights. Again: Just play golf, already.

15. Leaving stickers and tags on your caps

Dubious behavior: Self-evident. Really self-evident. Like, you can't miss it.

Doofus factor: Moderate. Hey, sharing your head size with the world isn't the same as sharing your Social Security number or anything. It's more like wearing an underwear tag on your forehead. In addition, a San Francisco Chronicle article speculates that former "Hee Haw" star Minnie Pearl was the first person to wear a price tag dangling from her hat. And if anyone embodies urban cool, it's former "Hee Haw" star Minnie Pearl.

Suggested solution: Peel. Clean. Repeat.

Mitigating circumstances: You compose and perform intricate rhymes to musical beats for a living; you've just won a championship and have been handed a brand-new commemorative hat to wear during the trophy presentation; the hologram on your cap is actually Princess Leia, and you're the rebellion's only hope.

Related behaviors: Naming your fantasy team after gangsta rap lyrics or quotes from "Borat."

For Full Article: 20 Things That Make You Look Like a Doofus

Rock and Roll 1/2 Marathon

Yesterday was the first annual Rock and Roll 1/2 Marathon here in Chicago. The course was pretty flat as promised and the weather couldn't have been better, the Rock and Roll however left a lot to be desired. They had bands playing along the route that were from what I could hear over my iPod, not very good. The 6:30AM start time was pretty rough, that meant a 4AM wakeup call which was no picnic, but a peanut butter and banana sandwhich and a 5 hour energy later I was good to roll.

I beat my goal of 1 hour 50 min, finishing just over 1 hour 48 min at 1:48:38. Overall I felt pretty good about the day. Learned some new "tricks" for running that I think will help going into the next race, whenever that is. I'm hoping to have gotten in a few pictures taken along the way and I'll throw them up when they put them on the web.

Running Playlist

One thing that I've found to be cumbersome and hard to come by is a running playlist, I searched the interwebs for hours trying to find some samples of playlists to draw from. Surprisingly the availability of such lists are slim and I was less than impressed with the few I was able to find. So in an effort to assist I thought I would share my playlist I used in Chicago. I think it's a pretty solid one. It's heavy in Disturbed and Korn, their music is pretty driving and hard to ignore. Hopefully if you're looking for a list you'll like this one. (The order is strategic as well)

Wake Up - Three Days Grace
Never Gonna Stop - Rob Zombie
Do What You Do - Mudvayne
The Night - Disturbed
Dragula - Rob Zombie
Crazy - Mushroomhead
Twisted Transistor - Korn
Time of Dying - Three Days Grace
Divide - Disturbed
Duality - Slipknot
Eaten Up Inside - Korn
Pain - Three Days Grace
Facade - Disturbed
Fall Into Sleep - Mudvayne
Falls Apart -Thousand Foot Krutch
Fully Alive - Flyleaf
The Game - Disturbed
I'm Shipping Up to Boston - Dropkick Murphy's
Stricken - Disturbed
Hold On - Korn
Move - Thousand Foot Krutch
Indestructible - Disturbed
Psychosocial - Slipknot
Alone I Break - Korn
Haunted - Disturbed
Living Dead Girl - Rob Zombie
Happy? - Mudvayne
I Get It - Chevelle
Judith - A Perfect Circle
Criminal - Disturbed

Artist Appreciation

I was perusing the internet today, which I do everyday... but today I've hit a new level of bordem because I can't go out cause of the race tomorrow. Long story short, in Chicago you must walk nearly everywhere, walking miles and miles, not normally a big deal, unless you have to run 13.1 miles at 6:30AM, I digress... Anyway so I started looking at art, manily because I was exploring the prices and times for the Chicago Art Museum. M.C. Escher is probably my favorite artist, below is probably one of my favorites. In my opinion the guy was unreal. His pictures are confusing, and I think the below illustrates my point: it is a seemingly very simple picture, yet very complex all at the same time. They can really make you think if you want to.

Life Update: July in Review

Wow July went by in a hurry. Seems like I was just writing June's update.

Fourth of July was somewhat lackluster, it rained to which I was not at all shocked... this summer has been pretty disappointing as far as weather goes. Unseasonibly cool and it seems to rain anytime we try to do anything.

However... the bright spot of the month Float Trip V. Weather was great, sans a minor rain storm (see point above, you thought I was kidding). Good times with good friends, I wish I could go on float trip every weekend, however this would likely have a devistating toll on my back (sleeping on the ground), my liver (beer consumption), my waistline (point #2 coupled with hot dogs and S'mores).

July also brought "my" bank exam, which is in part the reason for the lack of posts last month. I've been working on that so that has kept me pretty busy. Hopefully it'll slow down a bit going forward.

Ignorance is Bliss

They need to just stop with the steroid reports. You know what, the past is what it is, they should just bury it. I know the media loves a good car crash, but the steroid scandals are doing what I think is irreparable damage to "America's Pasttime." I mean at the end of the day does it really matter who used steroids in 2003? I mean really what can be done? Absolutely nothing can be done. You suspend the guy now and tarnish the leagues reputation forever. Here's what we do, implement a mandatory testing program. You playing the game, you take a test 4 per year, minimum. Test positive once season ban no pay. Test positive a second time banned for life. It's time to cut through the B.S. if it's a problem then impose consequences that will encourage compliance.

From My Kitchen: Crab Manicotti

4 Manicotti Noodles (cook as directed)

For Filling:
4 Cloves Garlic (I love garlic, so I would actually use more next time maybe 5-6, 4 was a pretty good balance of flavor)

3/4 Bag Spinach (diced up a bit smaller than the actual leaves)
6 oz (ish) Crab Meat
3/4 of a Small Container of Ricotta Cheese

Medium hand full Italian Cheese Blend
1 Egg
Italian Seasoning
(again, this process is hit or miss, just eyeball it till you have a "good" consistent mix)

For Topping:
Small Jar Alfredo Sauce (I was cheap and went with Ragu Light Parm. vs homemade)
Small hand full of Italian Cheese Blend

1. Saute spinach in olive oil with 2 of the 4 cloves of minced garlic (save 2 cloves of minced garlic for mixture with the filling), let cool
2. In a bowl mix all FILLING ingredients and add a little salt and pepper for good measure.
3. Fill the manicotti noodles with mixture. I'm warning you now, this process is a royal pain in the arse, you WILL destroy the noodles, split them open, etc. sauce will cover them so don't get too worried.
4. Cover with Alfredo, top with some additional cheese and bake at 375 for about 30 min. Since I only cook for two, I use foil to make my own little "baking reservoirs", just make a little rectangle and spray the bottom with a little olive oil.

The seafood twist on this Italian dish is an interesting change from the standard italian sausage and ground meat. I saw this on a menu at a restaurant in Washington last week, and regretably did not order it, so I immediatly sought out to attempt a re-creation. Based on my wife's review I think I did a fairly "decent" job on the attempt.

(Sorry for all the 3/4 a bag/container nonsense....)

Ladies and Gentleman......

CONWAY TWITTY!

Word Vomit

This is a catch up post.... lots of random nonsense from my head that I've not had time to properly post. WARNING, the below contains disjointed thoughts of randomness and nonsensical ramblings that out of context and without elaboration may make zero sense to the masses... you've been warned.

• Michael Vick, suspend him 3-4 games and then let the guy play. He didn't go to celebrity jail in the hills of Cali or "rehab," he went to real jail in Levenworth. His crime dispicable, but he did the time.
• Pete Rose, HoF bound? About darn time. As a player he was amazing - don't let him in the hall as a coach, as a player he was the deal.
• Alice in Wonder Land remake - 4 words Tim Johnny Burton Depp.
• Urban Farmer, I have a tomato plant on my "deck" Salsa here I come (hopefully)
• Palin, you quit your job. Rationalize it however you see fit. End of the day you quit.
• Daily Show = Pure hilarity.
• I'm a Mafia Wars addict.
• I cannot wait till Football, I'm bored with baseball, bring on the Chiefs.
• #1 Movie on my hit list: Harry Potter, speaking of I really need to read the books... I cheated and Googled to see if Snape is a good guy or a bad guy, stupid movies are taking too long. I feel kind of bad, but it did make me want to read the books, so what's her name may be getting a contribution from the McMahan household in the near future, as if she needs more money.
  
• Float Trip V, One for the ages. It was a blast for all in attendance. James and I are Black Out Champions 2009.
• Best show on TV you aren't watching: Kings. I love this show, so good.
• Renewed affection for Sushi... check. Spicy tuna is delicious. Chicago's BYOB eateries are the best, love walking into a meal with a bottle of wine that's not going to cost me 300% over retail.
• I want to be commonsense czar of public transportation in Chicago. You don't have to stand RIGHT by the door, unless you are getting off RIGHT NOW. If you choose to that's fine, but don't give me a dirty look when I step on your toes to move to the completely empty center of the car. YOU are in MY way not the other way around.
• My beer of the month kinda disappeared, where the heck did that go...

I think... that has me fairly caught up. I'll be better going forward.

LOST: Reward Offered

Last seen in Room 349 of the Hampton Inn in Spokane, Washington. Responds to the name Chargy. Was thought to have disappeared between the hours of 8:00 AM and 2:00 PM Friday July 24. He may be elusive and scared. He has either sprouted legs, transformer style, used his long tail (cord) to repel down the side of the hotel or.... I fear he may have been kidnapped or worse.

Please if you see him phone me immediately, below is an artist rendering of his last known appearance (pre transformation).

Post transformation appearance unknown but may look like this: